My Motivation Day 12

DAY TWELVE
RECOGNISE SUCH PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE

By Lisa Esposito (USnews.com)

You might recognize some of the following people in your life:

The narcissist. The world calls her “wonderful,” acquaintances call her “charming” and therapists call her “narcissistic.” You, however, just call her “Mom.”

Narcissists can be some of the toughest types for family members to deal with, says Anita Gadhia-Smith, a psychotherapist who practices in the District of Columbia and Bethesda, Maryland. Gaslighting, or denying reality, is a hallmark of these challenging people.

“If you’re involved with a narcissist, you’re always questioning yourself because you don’t get much empathy; you don’t get much validation,” she says. “You have your reality discounted, and you start to wonder whether you’re crazy.”

Gadhia-Smith describes how one young woman finally took a break from a difficult relationship with her mother by temporarily limiting contact to text messages. “That gave her a sense of empowerment, because she felt like she was in charge of her relationship, and it was no longer totally about her mother,” she says.

 

People who sense they’re being kept at a distance often push back in these situations, Gadhia-Smith says, and this narcissistic parent was no exception. How do you handle people who will not be ignored? “If you repeatedly send mixed messages, they’re more likely to hang on,” she says. “It’s your responsibility to be clear and consistent and kind. And if they still won’t get it, then they need to go and get some help for themselves.”

In this case, the daughter held her ground. After that period of separation, she was eventually able to set her own terms to resume the relationship, with a new sense of autonomy, agency and personal power.

 

The chaos lover. It goes way beyond not being a good team player in the workplace. “These people really just enjoy chaos – that’s sort of their mode of operating,” says Travis Bradberry, author of “Emotional Intelligence 2.0.” “That’s really their orientation to the world and other people. You don’t need to worry about them – you just need to worry about yourself.” As you present a well-researched plan in a meeting, for instance, it’s that person who makes irrational objections, just because. “It’s one thing to argue the point,” Bradberry says. “It’s another thing to be pushing people’s buttons and creating unneccessary difficulty.”

Don’t add fuel to the fire by engaging, Bradberry advises. Instead, remove yourself from the situation so you can see it as an objective third party. “Because that allows you to approach it rationally and see that kind of obvious, hovering solution that you can’t see when you’re really pissed off, and you’re trying to fight crazy with crazy,” he says. Stepping back allows you to see the long-term view and come back with a better battle plan.

 

The negativity spreader. Having good boundaries can keep you out of the emotional clutches of a chronic complainer, Bradberry says. This is the person around whom the water-cooler conversation always turns negative. You don’t have to be sucked into the vortex, he says. Instead, simply opt not to join in – head back to your desk or take a quick walk. “You’re able to set limits – you have complete control over that,” he says. “You just have to stick to them.” It’s not about stonewalling or shutting the person out, he adds. “A lot of it is not participating in conversations you normally participate in.” Setting limits in a matter-of-fact way reaps big benefits in lowering your stress levels, he says.

The dependent. A needy, clingy friend drags you down, but you don’t want to hurt his or her feelings by putting space between you. “We can just feel really tired around certain people,” Gadhia-Smith says. “I call these people ‘spiritual vampires’ who drain us. They might not be doing anything overtly bad but some people just suck the life out of us, and we don’t know why.”

That can be a case for “portion control,” she says – spacing out interactions and keeping them within time limits you’ve set. “If a relationship is too expensive, then you practice portion control if you want to stay in it,” she says. “And figure out how much of that person works for you. How much is good for you. If you don’t want to stay in a relationship, you find a way to graciously move on.”

There are two basic ways to do that, according to Gadhia-Smith. “You can gradually wean yourself from a relationship and become slowly less and less available and kind of phase them out and phase it down,” she says. “Or you can talk to them and say, ‘I don’t really think this is a great fit. I respect you, and I appreciate you, but I think it’s best we go our separate ways.'”

 

Everyone is needy at some level, Gadhia-Smith says. Still, she adds, “We have to learn how to get our needs met without overwhelming any one person in our lives, to spread out our dependency needs.” As the person seeking distance, she says, you must look out for your emotional health: “You limit the time; you limit the conversations. You give from your bounty and not your reserve.”

The odd man out. Triangles can be tricky, and it’s not always clear whom in a relationship, if anyone, is at fault. But when the three-way dynamic shifts from comfortable to awkward, it’s might be time to move on. Gadhia-Smith describes a common scenario: Someone is upset with their husband or wife, so they vent and unload to a friend, filling in the details.

“But then they make up, and they’re back in love with the spouse,” she says. “But they’ve talked to the friend, who becomes negative about the spouse.” While the couple moves forward, she says, the friend may not forgive or forget. “[The friend] might not go back to liking the person quite as much,” she says. “They can hold a grudge.” That leaves the confider feeling uncomfortable, and the friendship may suffer.

In cases like this, it’s not really about a single difficult person, but a difficult situation. One way to keep a healthy distance is to not treat friends or family members as neutral counselors. That, Gadhia-Smith says, is why people see therapists – there’s no aftermath.

 
 

It’s not just them. When every interaction leaves you impatient or irritated, and when you judge those around you and find most of them wanting, the common denominator is likely staring back at you in the mirror. You have met the difficult person – and it is you.

Or maybe it’s a case of mutual bad behavior. It’s important to make sure you’re contributing to a situation, Gadhia-Smith says, instead of contaminating it. “It’s being able to show up to the degree that you can and practice principles of courtesy, kindness, respect and tolerance,” she says. “These are often the spiritual muscles that are being worked by difficult people. They give us a spiritual workout. It’s a spiritual workout to build our muscles of courtesy, kindness, tolerance and love. And patience.”

It doesn’t have to be all or nothing, she says, and sometimes creating distance now can mean a better relationship later. “It could be days, weeks, months – sometimes even years,” she says. “But while everyone is going through the process of life, we’re all growing and changing. And sometimes you can go back, and things are different with the same person.” 

104 thoughts on “My Motivation Day 12”

  1. Excellent post. I was checking constantly this weblog and I’m impressed! Extremely useful info specifically the closing part 🙂 I maintain such info much. I was looking for this particular information for a long time. Thank you and good luck.

  2. Hi! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any problems with hackers? My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing several weeks of hard work due to no backup. Do you have any solutions to stop hackers?

  3. Great beat ! I wish to apprentice at the same time as you amend your site, how can i subscribe for a blog website?
    The account helped me a appropriate deal. I had been a
    little bit acquainted of this your broadcast offered shiny
    transparent idea

  4. I have been surfing online more than three hours today, yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It’s pretty worth enough for me. In my opinion, if all site owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the internet will be a lot more useful than ever before.

  5. I keep listening to the news bulletin speak about getting free online grant applications so I have been looking around for the most excellent site to get one. Could you advise me please, where could i acquire some?

  6. Hi there, i read your blog from time to time and i own a similar one and i was just curious if you get a lot of spam feedback? If so how do you stop it, any plugin or anything you can recommend? I get so much lately it’s driving me insane so any assistance is very much appreciated.

  7. Great post. I was checking constantly this weblog and I am
    inspired! Very helpful info specially the closing section 🙂 I
    maintain such information much. I used to be seeking this certain info for a very long time.
    Thanks and good luck.

  8. Pretty great post. I simply stumbled upon your blog and wished
    to mention that I’ve truly loved browsing your weblog posts.
    After all I’ll be subscribing on your rss
    feed and I’m hoping you write once more soon!

  9. You really make it seem so easy with your presentation but I find this topic to be really something which I think I would never understand. It seems too complicated and very broad for me. I am looking forward for your next post, I’ll try to get the hang of it!

  10. Needed to post you this very small remark to help thank you so much over again for the pretty principles you have discussed here. This is so open-handed of people like you to give extensively all that a number of us would’ve offered for sale for an electronic book to get some bucks on their own, precisely considering the fact that you could possibly have tried it if you ever desired. The advice likewise worked to become great way to be certain that other people have the identical fervor really like my very own to know the truth a whole lot more when considering this issue. I’m certain there are many more fun moments ahead for people who looked at your blog post.

  11. I am writing to let you know what a excellent encounter my princess obtained reading your web page. She realized too many details, which include how it is like to have an amazing giving mood to get a number of people clearly have an understanding of specific extremely tough issues. You undoubtedly exceeded our expected results. I appreciate you for providing these informative, healthy, edifying and also cool tips about that topic to Sandra.

  12. Great post. I was checking constantly this weblog and I am inspired!
    Very helpful info specifically the final phase :
    ) I maintain such info much. I used to be looking for this particular info for
    a very long time. Thanks and best of luck.

  13. you’re actually a good webmaster. The site loading velocity is amazing.
    It sort of feels that you’re doing any distinctive trick.
    Also, The contents are masterwork. you have performed a magnificent task on this
    matter!

  14. I’m amazed, I must say. Rarely do I come across a blog that’s equally educative and engaging,
    and let me tell you, you’ve hit the nail on the
    head. The issue is something too few men and women are speaking intelligently
    about. Now i’m very happy that I came across this during my search for something concerning this.

  15. I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own blog and was wondering what all is needed to get set up? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? I’m not very internet savvy so I’m not 100% positive. Any recommendations or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

  16. My spouse and i were now fortunate that Ervin could deal with his reports with the precious recommendations he received from your site. It’s not at all simplistic just to always be giving out tips and tricks that other folks might have been making money from. We really figure out we now have the website owner to thank because of that. All the illustrations you made, the easy blog navigation, the relationships you will aid to instill – it’s got all excellent, and it is letting our son in addition to us believe that that article is brilliant, which is incredibly essential. Thank you for all!

  17. What i don’t realize is in truth how you are not actually a lot more smartly-favored than you might be now. You are so intelligent. You realize therefore considerably in relation to this matter, produced me individually consider it from so many numerous angles. Its like women and men don’t seem to be involved until it is one thing to do with Lady gaga! Your personal stuffs outstanding. Always take care of it up!

  18. This is very interesting, You are a very skilled blogger. I have joined your rss feed and look forward to seeking more of your great post. Also, I’ve shared your web site in my social networks!

  19. We stumbled over here from a different web address and thought I might as well
    check things out. I like what I see so now i am following you.
    Look forward to exploring your web page repeatedly.

  20. I’m so happy to read this. This is the type of manual that needs to be given and not the random misinformation that’s at the other blogs. Appreciate your sharing this greatest doc.

  21. Thanks so much for providing individuals with an exceptionally brilliant opportunity to read from this blog. It is always very good and full of fun for me and my office co-workers to visit your web site a minimum of thrice in one week to read through the new things you have got. Of course, I am always motivated with all the astonishing concepts served by you. Certain two facts in this posting are particularly the most efficient I’ve had.

  22. Hi, Neat post. There is an issue along with your web site in web explorer, might test this¡K IE nonetheless is the marketplace leader and a good portion of other people will leave out your wonderful writing because of this problem.

  23. We are a group of volunteers and opening a new scheme in our community. Your website provided us with valuable information to work on. You’ve done an impressive job and our whole community will be grateful to you.

  24. hey there and thank you for your info – I’ve certainly picked up anything new from right here. I did however expertise a few technical points using this website, since I experienced to reload the site many times previous to I could get it to load correctly. I had been wondering if your web host is OK? Not that I am complaining, but slow loading instances times will sometimes affect your placement in google and can damage your high quality score if advertising and marketing with Adwords. Anyway I am adding this RSS to my email and could look out for much more of your respective intriguing content. Ensure that you update this again soon..

  25. Hi, Neat post. There is an issue with your site in web explorer, could check this?
    IE nonetheless is the market leader and a big section of folks will
    leave out your excellent writing because of this problem.

  26. I am no longer positive the place you are getting your information, however great topic.
    I must spend a while finding out much more or figuring out more.
    Thanks for fantastic information I was on the lookout for this info for my
    mission.

  27. I like what you guys are up also. Such clever work and reporting! Keep up the superb works guys I have incorporated you guys to my blogroll. I think it will improve the value of my web site 🙂

  28. What i don’t understood is actually how you’re no longer actually much more smartly-liked than you might be now. You’re very intelligent. You already know therefore significantly in terms of this topic, made me individually imagine it from numerous numerous angles. Its like men and women aren’t involved unless it is one thing to do with Girl gaga! Your individual stuffs nice. All the time maintain it up!

  29. Great website. A lot of helpful information here. I am sending it to several buddies ans additionally sharing in delicious. And certainly, thanks to your sweat!

  30. We’re a group of volunteers and opening a new scheme in our community. Your website provided us with valuable information to work on. You have done a formidable job and our whole community will be grateful to you.

  31. First off I would like to say awesome blog!
    I had a quick question in which I’d like to ask if you do not mind.
    I was interested to find out how you center yourself and
    clear your head prior to writing. I have had trouble clearing my thoughts in getting my ideas out there.
    I truly do enjoy writing but it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes tend to be lost simply just trying to figure out how to begin. Any suggestions or tips?

    Appreciate it!

  32. Effectuez 100% de votre achat au Maroc ou en Afrique et
    nous livrerons votre véhicule directement à votre domicile.

    Vous êtes fan de belles voitures ? Vous en rêvez ? Aujourd’hui, votre rêve
    est facilement accessible, et cela, grâce à
    S-N-C-CANADA CAR. En effet, nous sommes les spécialistes de la voiture de luxe en occasion. Notre entreprise est située au Canada , Sénégal, Maroc , et effectue des ventes vers
    l’Afrique. Nous sommes en lien permanent avec plusieurs concessionnaires au Canada, ce qui nous permet de pouvoir vous proposer les plus
    belles voitures d’occasion au meilleur prix.

    Nous sommes passionnés par les belles voitures.

    Sur notre site, vous allez pouvoir admirer et choisir
    la voiture qui vous fait envie. Peut-être avez-vous envie de prendre le volant
    d’une Ferrari, d’une Porsche ou peut être vos goûts penchent
    plutôt vers la Ford Mustang ? Chez nous, tous vos goûts et envies sont exécutables.

    S-N-C-CANADA CAR, vous simplifie l’achat d’un véhicule
    luxueux d’occasion. Vous choisissez votre modèle en nous indiquant vos souhaits, nous vous proposons
    votre rêve sur un plateau, puis vous réglez votre commande depuis votre
    pays et nous livrons votre nouvelle voiture au pied de votre porte , et ce dans les plus brefs délais.
    Que demander de mieux ?

    Bien entendu, l’achat d’une voiture, même à moindre coût est quelque chose qui se négocie.

    Nous sommes une société totalement transparente au
    niveau des prix et le client obtient toute information concernant le véhicule, sa disponibilité, son passé, les
    moyens de paiement disponibles, les délais de livraison…
    Et tout autre question en rapport. Pour ce faire nous mettons à disposition un service client qui vous est entièrement dédié et qui vous accompagne durant
    tout le processus de votre achat, et ce, jusqu’à ce que vous soyez en possession des clés
    de votre voiture, et même au-delà, puisque nos véhicules sont garantis.

    Et, comme nous aimons bichonner nos clients une surprise leur est réservée.
    Celle-ci dépendra de l’achat que vous aurez effectué

  33. Normally I don’t read post on blogs, but I would like to
    say that this write-up very forced me to check out and do so!
    Your writing taste has been surprised me. Thanks,
    quite great article.

  34. Thanks , I have just been searching for information about this topic for a while and yours is the greatest I have came upon so far. However, what in regards to the bottom line? Are you certain concerning the source?

  35. We’re a group of volunteers and opening a new scheme in our community. Your site offered us with valuable info to work on. You’ve done an impressive job and our entire community will be thankful to you.

  36. Simply want to say your article is as surprising. The clearness in your post is simply spectacular and i could assume you’re an expert on this subject. Fine with your permission let me to grab your feed to keep updated with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please continue the enjoyable work.

  37. Unquestionably believe that which you said. Your favorite reason appeared to be on the internet the simplest thing to be aware of. I say to you, I certainly get irked while people consider worries that they plainly don’t know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top and also defined out the whole thing without having side-effects , people can take a signal. Will likely be back to get more. Thanks

  38. After exploring a number of the articles on your blog, I really like your technique of
    writing a blog. I book-marked it to my bookmark website list and will be
    checking back in the near future. Take a look at my web site as well and let
    me know what you think.

  39. Someone necessarily help to make seriously articles I might state. That is the very first time I frequented your website page and to this point? I amazed with the analysis you made to create this particular post extraordinary. Fantastic task!

  40. I believe this website contains some very great information for everyone :D. “Nothing surely is so disgraceful to society and to individuals as unmeaning wastefulness.” by Count Benjamin Thompson Rumford.

  41. whoah this blog is magnificent i love reading your posts.
    Keep up the good work! You recognize, many individuals
    are searching around for this information, you can aid them greatly.

  42. Somebody necessarily lend a hand to make critically posts I’d state.
    This is the first time I frequented your web page and so far?
    I amazed with the analysis you made to create this particular put up
    amazing. Wonderful task!

  43. hello there and thank you for your info – I have definitely picked up anything new from right here. I did however expertise some technical points using this website, as I experienced to reload the site lots of times previous to I could get it to load correctly. I had been wondering if your web hosting is OK? Not that I’m complaining, but sluggish loading instances times will very frequently affect your placement in google and could damage your high quality score if advertising and marketing with Adwords. Anyway I’m adding this RSS to my e-mail and can look out for much more of your respective exciting content. Make sure you update this again very soon..

  44. Great paintings! This is the type of info that are meant to be shared around the net. Disgrace on the seek engines for not positioning this publish upper! Come on over and visit my site . Thank you =)

  45. Classic Match-3 game jewels star 3 released in Goolge Play.

    It’s aim is to complete the assigned goals in given moves or seconds.

    Try to get 3 stars in each level.
    https://goo.gl/oGThFv
    Features:
    – More than 160 levels and 8 pretty scenes in the game, including starry sky,mountains,snow world and so on.
    – The lightning Jewel can eliminate jewels in one row.

    – The bomb jewel can eliminate the jewels around.
    – The energy jewel can eliminate to any other colored jewel.

    – The Timing Jewel can extend the playing time.

    – For the frozen jewel,it cannot be move, but can be released by eliminating
    jewels around.
    – For the chained jewel,it cannot be move, but can be destroyed by eliminating
    jewels inside.
    – For the stone, it is a obstacle, but can be destroyed by eliminating jewels around.

  46. Excellent post. I was checking continuously this blog and I am impressed! Very helpful information specially the last part 🙂 I care for such information much. I was looking for this particular info for a long time. Thank you and good luck.

  47. I loved as much as you’ll receive carried out right here.
    The sketch is attractive, your authored subject matter stylish.

    nonetheless, you command get bought an shakiness over that you wish be delivering the following.
    unwell unquestionably come more formerly again since exactly the same nearly very often inside case you shield
    this hike.

  48. But most importantly now Siri works extremely well in almost any application that’s
    launched with the user. A vital facet of any handset that advertises
    itself as a gaming phone could be the processor that it uses.

    First off, there’s Reuters, that’s claiming that
    the smartphone goes into production in August, accompanied by a September release.

  49. But most importantly now Siri may be used in any application which can be launched by the user.
    A vital facet of any handset that advertises itself like a gaming
    phone could be the processor which it uses. Streams of shared photos
    can also be seen on Apple TV and individuals without Apple devices
    can easily see it for the web.

  50. Just wish to say your article is as astonishing. The clearness in your post is simply cool and i could assume you are an expert on this subject.
    Well with your permission allow me to grab your RSS feed to keep up
    to date with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please continue the gratifying
    work.

  51. I just couldn’t leave your website prior to suggesting that I really enjoyed the standard info a person supply on your visitors? Is going to be again often in order to check out new posts

  52. Thanks for every other wonderful article. Where else may just anybody get that kind of info in such an ideal way of writing? I’ve a presentation next week, and I’m on the look for such info.

  53. I like what you guys are up also. Such intelligent work and reporting! Carry on the excellent works guys I¡¦ve incorporated you guys to my blogroll. I think it will improve the value of my web site 🙂

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *